One problem I've had recently (I have many, all small and pointless as is the way with the middle classes) is working out where I now fit in to what Bill Hicks called his "favourite sect". With the apparent resurgence in Catholicism (thanks to immigrants bringing their Catholic beliefs with them), my own faith has been playing on my mind. I have always said "I'm Catholic", but it seems a knee-jerk reaction rather than a statement of identity, an automatic response built in to me, like "It wasn't my fault", "You look lovely" and "This isn't blood, it's paint".
Faith is a strange thing. All power to you if you have it, by the way. I'm not knocking it. I'm talking only about how I make peace with the Catholic Church. Other people derive great comfort and support from religion and Catholicism and fair enough, frankly. I'm not arguing to convert people from their own point of view, merely trying to work out mine. Also, the church bake sales can be pretty awesome, so it can't be all bad.
Back to my point, though: does religion have a shelf life? A "Best by" date? I'm talking about an individual's ability to claim membership to a certain religion, not whether religions fade out of fashion (Kabbalah, I'm looking at you. Friendship bracelets won't cut it anymore). Can you ever completely leave the faith you were born into? I was brought up as a Roman Catholic. I went to a Catholic primary and secondary school. I received Holy Communion in a nice little white dress (in retrospect, it's a little creepy dressing up as tiny brides for Christ because it makes Jesus seem like a big ol' bigamist paedophile. I said seem like. Well, if I wasn't going to Hell before, I am now). I went to church every Sunday, despite my insistence that what was really better for my soul was watching Pob's programme on Channel 4; eternal salvation can't compete with a spitting puppet in the eyes of a 6 year old child. My Catholic credentials are pretty well-established.
But, to be or not to be Catholic...Technically, I'm not sure I am still a Catholic by rules of entry alone - I never got confirmed. I suppose you could liken it to being a regular at a club, but then suddenly becoming established by having your name appear every night on the guest list. I'd like to say my lack of confirmation was because I struggled with deep ideological conflicts, but in reality it was because I was a teenager rebelling for the sake of it. Look, drugs and drinking were out because other family members went there, did that and got buried in the t-shirt, ok? This was about as extreme as I could get. Plus, have you ever tried dying dark brown hair a bright blue shade? It doesn't work. Renouncing my faith seemed like an easier option.
What should really get me struck off the Catholic guest list is that a lot of my personal opinions clash with the Church's stance. I am also decidedly not religious. Don't get me wrong, I'm well-versed in Jesus and his adventures (coming soon : Super Jesus - Blessing the meek! Feeding the poor! Fighting crime!). I agree with the idea of a god being made flesh as I believe divinity is to do with the soul, much like Hindus believe the soul cannot commit sins as it is divine. However, to work out what I'm supposed to believe as a Catholic and how it differs from Anglicans, I had to look some stuff up. By the way, for those not in the know, here's a quick guide to bluffing you're a Catholic (besides looking really guilty all the time):
a) Transubstantiation - the belief that Holy Communion actually turns into the physical body and blood of Christ when you eat them.
I'm with this until the cannabilism kicks in. Surely they meant it as a metaphor? This is like those people who believe Jesus was a magician who fed the 5000 with paltry supplies when actually it's more a parable of miraculous humanity and generosity as people shared what supplies they had amongst themselves to feed each other.
b) The Catholic Church sees the Pope as their authority whereas Anglicans/C of E are excommunicated.
Whilst I don't have much faith in a religion formed on political grounds (or so Henry VIII could go on a European "Spring Break!" style hunt for wives), I can't exactly have any more faith in a religion led by a man holed up on his own in Rome, left behind in a world constantly moving forward. At least Anglicans are trying to progress (see women bishops at the moment).
c) The Catholic Church believes good acts help get you into Heaven whilst Protestants don't.
I'm a bit torn on this one. Whereas I agree with Protestants that good acts without selflessness and honesty behind them shouldn't go towards your spiritual score card, I also agree with the Catholics that this doesn't mean you shouldn't do good works at all. The problem is that it's kind of an enforced charity - without good works, you can't get eternal life. However, I am of the view that enforced charity is better than none at all.
I have no problem with helping the poor and your brother and so on (until they start expecting it. Then you never get rid of them. Ever tried walking down the street followed by begging lepers? Ok, me neither, but it's obviously the inevitable outcome of committing any good deed). My problem is with the Church. It's a strange and faintly ridiculous beast. For example, how am I supposed to go along with a religion which tells me that gay people are ok, so long as they don't have sex or fall in love? How am I supposed to take seriously the advice that contraception is not allowed when said advice comes from a celibate old guy wearing a pointy, phallic symbol hat? If you want unnatural, there's little better example than a bunch of men forcing themselves to give up sex.
For inspiration to struggle against our sins we must go to church, something I should do but don't. Attending church happens only on special occasions, such as Christmas and Easter. I go more for the feeling of celebration, to be honest, as well as the free chocolate (at Easter. During Christmas, we get free babies). One Religious Education teacher told me that we have to attend church once a week for a spiritual "top-up". I wish he hadn't made the faith sound more like a mobile phone card than an answer to humanity's problems. I haven't gone to church for months and don't feel lost in life. A religious upbringing has helped me question everything, which can only be good (unless you're one of my friends pleading with me to shut up and sleep before you try and gag me with old socks). The problem is I don't think I can find answers in a weekly hour-long mass where maintaining the status quo is the order of the day.
So, can I still call myself a Catholic? If I adhere to the teachings alone, I guess that makes me a Christian, but not a Catholic as I don't recognise the authority of the Roman Catholic Church. I like the label of lapsed Catholic, though. It makes me sound like I've mislaid my faith in a sock drawer, or something.
My friends tease me about my religion by saying at least, as a lapsed Catholic, I can recant on my deathbed and become a fully licensed Catholic again. The problem is that you have to mean it. I think that's one of the more misunderstood things about the Catholic Church. You can't just say, "Whoops, cut my wife's head off. Sorry!", recite three Hail Marys and expect Heaven's Gates to open if you aren't truly remoresful. Plus, the wife will probably up there, pissed off with you, and who needs that hassle? Bring on the soothing comfort of fiery, pitchforky Hell.
It's odd that I have this problem with the Church, especially as it's given me such a fond identity: guilt-ridden, sin-loving, much-repenting me. I debate everything because of the dogmatic teachings of my schools (complete with Stalin-like slogans painted on the walls of the lunch hall - "JESUS IS THE WAY AND THE LIGHT! HIS IS THE ONLY WAY! EAT BROCCOLI!"). I am instilled with a firm sense of social responsibility. PLUS I can make fun of Roman Catholic habits and get away with it because I am "one of them" (however, it turns out priests don't have much of a sense of humour when it comes to altar boy jibes - it also turns out they're bloody accurate shots when they have a Bible to hand). It's not been all bad.
All in all, I don't think you're ever truly "free" of the religion you're brought up in. How can I be when it was such a formative part of my life? I find little habits from it cropping up in my mind, such as trying not to eat meat on Fridays or blessing myself whenever I walk past a church. That's why I'll stick with the "lapsed" label - I was one, can't deny it and wouldn't want to. It's a part of me. But I'll never be a true believer for one big reason alone: the majority of my friends are sinners in the eyes of this religion because of who they are (my friends would probably raise a drink to that, actually) . And, in all fairness, they've been of more support in times of need than the Catholic Church. They can also handle their drink better than the priests I've known, which is always a plus if you want an injury-free evening (ever seen a priest glass someone using only a Bible? It ain't pretty).
So, though I know the door to Catholism is held open with an expectant (and somewhat patronising) belief that I'll eventually return, at least now I'm staying away more from what I believe in than because of teenage angst-born contrariness. Forgive me, Lord, for I lack blind faith. Thank Christ.
Faith is a strange thing. All power to you if you have it, by the way. I'm not knocking it. I'm talking only about how I make peace with the Catholic Church. Other people derive great comfort and support from religion and Catholicism and fair enough, frankly. I'm not arguing to convert people from their own point of view, merely trying to work out mine. Also, the church bake sales can be pretty awesome, so it can't be all bad.
Back to my point, though: does religion have a shelf life? A "Best by" date? I'm talking about an individual's ability to claim membership to a certain religion, not whether religions fade out of fashion (Kabbalah, I'm looking at you. Friendship bracelets won't cut it anymore). Can you ever completely leave the faith you were born into? I was brought up as a Roman Catholic. I went to a Catholic primary and secondary school. I received Holy Communion in a nice little white dress (in retrospect, it's a little creepy dressing up as tiny brides for Christ because it makes Jesus seem like a big ol' bigamist paedophile. I said seem like. Well, if I wasn't going to Hell before, I am now). I went to church every Sunday, despite my insistence that what was really better for my soul was watching Pob's programme on Channel 4; eternal salvation can't compete with a spitting puppet in the eyes of a 6 year old child. My Catholic credentials are pretty well-established.
But, to be or not to be Catholic...Technically, I'm not sure I am still a Catholic by rules of entry alone - I never got confirmed. I suppose you could liken it to being a regular at a club, but then suddenly becoming established by having your name appear every night on the guest list. I'd like to say my lack of confirmation was because I struggled with deep ideological conflicts, but in reality it was because I was a teenager rebelling for the sake of it. Look, drugs and drinking were out because other family members went there, did that and got buried in the t-shirt, ok? This was about as extreme as I could get. Plus, have you ever tried dying dark brown hair a bright blue shade? It doesn't work. Renouncing my faith seemed like an easier option.
What should really get me struck off the Catholic guest list is that a lot of my personal opinions clash with the Church's stance. I am also decidedly not religious. Don't get me wrong, I'm well-versed in Jesus and his adventures (coming soon : Super Jesus - Blessing the meek! Feeding the poor! Fighting crime!). I agree with the idea of a god being made flesh as I believe divinity is to do with the soul, much like Hindus believe the soul cannot commit sins as it is divine. However, to work out what I'm supposed to believe as a Catholic and how it differs from Anglicans, I had to look some stuff up. By the way, for those not in the know, here's a quick guide to bluffing you're a Catholic (besides looking really guilty all the time):
a) Transubstantiation - the belief that Holy Communion actually turns into the physical body and blood of Christ when you eat them.
I'm with this until the cannabilism kicks in. Surely they meant it as a metaphor? This is like those people who believe Jesus was a magician who fed the 5000 with paltry supplies when actually it's more a parable of miraculous humanity and generosity as people shared what supplies they had amongst themselves to feed each other.
b) The Catholic Church sees the Pope as their authority whereas Anglicans/C of E are excommunicated.
Whilst I don't have much faith in a religion formed on political grounds (or so Henry VIII could go on a European "Spring Break!" style hunt for wives), I can't exactly have any more faith in a religion led by a man holed up on his own in Rome, left behind in a world constantly moving forward. At least Anglicans are trying to progress (see women bishops at the moment).
c) The Catholic Church believes good acts help get you into Heaven whilst Protestants don't.
I'm a bit torn on this one. Whereas I agree with Protestants that good acts without selflessness and honesty behind them shouldn't go towards your spiritual score card, I also agree with the Catholics that this doesn't mean you shouldn't do good works at all. The problem is that it's kind of an enforced charity - without good works, you can't get eternal life. However, I am of the view that enforced charity is better than none at all.
I have no problem with helping the poor and your brother and so on (until they start expecting it. Then you never get rid of them. Ever tried walking down the street followed by begging lepers? Ok, me neither, but it's obviously the inevitable outcome of committing any good deed). My problem is with the Church. It's a strange and faintly ridiculous beast. For example, how am I supposed to go along with a religion which tells me that gay people are ok, so long as they don't have sex or fall in love? How am I supposed to take seriously the advice that contraception is not allowed when said advice comes from a celibate old guy wearing a pointy, phallic symbol hat? If you want unnatural, there's little better example than a bunch of men forcing themselves to give up sex.
For inspiration to struggle against our sins we must go to church, something I should do but don't. Attending church happens only on special occasions, such as Christmas and Easter. I go more for the feeling of celebration, to be honest, as well as the free chocolate (at Easter. During Christmas, we get free babies). One Religious Education teacher told me that we have to attend church once a week for a spiritual "top-up". I wish he hadn't made the faith sound more like a mobile phone card than an answer to humanity's problems. I haven't gone to church for months and don't feel lost in life. A religious upbringing has helped me question everything, which can only be good (unless you're one of my friends pleading with me to shut up and sleep before you try and gag me with old socks). The problem is I don't think I can find answers in a weekly hour-long mass where maintaining the status quo is the order of the day.
So, can I still call myself a Catholic? If I adhere to the teachings alone, I guess that makes me a Christian, but not a Catholic as I don't recognise the authority of the Roman Catholic Church. I like the label of lapsed Catholic, though. It makes me sound like I've mislaid my faith in a sock drawer, or something.
My friends tease me about my religion by saying at least, as a lapsed Catholic, I can recant on my deathbed and become a fully licensed Catholic again. The problem is that you have to mean it. I think that's one of the more misunderstood things about the Catholic Church. You can't just say, "Whoops, cut my wife's head off. Sorry!", recite three Hail Marys and expect Heaven's Gates to open if you aren't truly remoresful. Plus, the wife will probably up there, pissed off with you, and who needs that hassle? Bring on the soothing comfort of fiery, pitchforky Hell.
It's odd that I have this problem with the Church, especially as it's given me such a fond identity: guilt-ridden, sin-loving, much-repenting me. I debate everything because of the dogmatic teachings of my schools (complete with Stalin-like slogans painted on the walls of the lunch hall - "JESUS IS THE WAY AND THE LIGHT! HIS IS THE ONLY WAY! EAT BROCCOLI!"). I am instilled with a firm sense of social responsibility. PLUS I can make fun of Roman Catholic habits and get away with it because I am "one of them" (however, it turns out priests don't have much of a sense of humour when it comes to altar boy jibes - it also turns out they're bloody accurate shots when they have a Bible to hand). It's not been all bad.
All in all, I don't think you're ever truly "free" of the religion you're brought up in. How can I be when it was such a formative part of my life? I find little habits from it cropping up in my mind, such as trying not to eat meat on Fridays or blessing myself whenever I walk past a church. That's why I'll stick with the "lapsed" label - I was one, can't deny it and wouldn't want to. It's a part of me. But I'll never be a true believer for one big reason alone: the majority of my friends are sinners in the eyes of this religion because of who they are (my friends would probably raise a drink to that, actually) . And, in all fairness, they've been of more support in times of need than the Catholic Church. They can also handle their drink better than the priests I've known, which is always a plus if you want an injury-free evening (ever seen a priest glass someone using only a Bible? It ain't pretty).
So, though I know the door to Catholism is held open with an expectant (and somewhat patronising) belief that I'll eventually return, at least now I'm staying away more from what I believe in than because of teenage angst-born contrariness. Forgive me, Lord, for I lack blind faith. Thank Christ.
4 comments:
Woo! Sinners! I was even raised a heathen, my mu told me not to listen to the rubbish they sometimes told us at primary school, and i was never baptised as you know. According to that online test i'll end up in the ninth gate of hell! Or a similar number.
P.S. I now have visions of jesus as a james bond style character, leaping out of danger into the arms of women and so on...
Knowing Christianity as I do, I wouldn't be surprised if, somewhere out there, was a comic book following the adventures of Super Jesus.
If there isn't, there damn well should be.
I talked to my Dad about whether you ever leave a faith and he said, "Religion is more cultural than anything. You're baptised, so you'll always be a Roman Catholic, even if you don't believe in God".
I love your dad.
I was never baptised either, my dad wanted to get me in to the roman catholic club before I had chance to form an opinion but sadly he was a bit too late as I was already of the "it's all rubbish" persuasion.
I think for all my days I'm going to have trouble subscribing to one single faith. That's why I invented fairytaleism and try to live my sad little life accordingly. I wrote about it in my livejournal when I was about 17 and a Canadian friend loved it so much she turned the text pink, printed it out and plonked it on her fridge. As far as I know it's still there. But what's important is, I have a convert!
Fuck this, I'm moving to Waco.
(ohhhhh)
Convertin' Kate...
I suppose having a strong religious leaning invariably means a need for belonging and structure. If you have other outlets for that, why subscribe to just one?
I have recently become interested in Hinduism and shall invest more time in learning about that.
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